Wednesday, 31 July 2013
Saturday, 27 July 2013
It is more than three years since the accident so now let me offer you some words of advice about coping with the nightmare just waiting around the corner.
Wednesday, 24 July 2013
Sunday, 21 July 2013
Thursday, 18 July 2013
Mum and Dad in the front seats never had a chance. Luckily I don't remember much about the accident and the doctors say that I never will. I do remember blue flashing lights and being lifted from the wreckage and the screen they put between me and the front of the car. I think I guessed then that Mum and Dad were dead. I don't remember going to hospital in the ambulance but do remember arriving. A bit later Nan and Granddad came in and as soon as I saw them I knew Mum and Dad had been killed. Grandparents then left for a short while and I prayed and prayed that I would die to so I could be with them but of course I didn't.
Once the news sunk in I wanted to see their bodies, just to say goodbye really. But I wasn’t allowed to. I was told that their bodies were too badly damaged for me to even see them, never mind being allowed to touch them or to be with them on my own. This “rule”, that I later found out wasn’t even true, seems like a horribly cruel thing to make up but that is exactly what Granddad did. I suppose this was Granddad trying to protect me but knowing him I bet that some of it was also about him wanting to be in charge.
A little while later Mum’s sister came to see me and she asked if it would be OK for her to wash Mum and Dad’s faces and brush and tidy their hair. I will always be grateful that my aunt looked after Mum and Dad bodies for me when I wasn't able to. I hope they both realised that I would have done it myself if it had been allowed.
Leaving the hospital, knowing that Mum and Dad were in the morgue, was almost the hardest part of those first few weeks. I just wanted to escape but at the same time I felt I was deserting them and leaving them to the care of strangers who didn’t know and love them like I did.
Gran and Granddad never forgave me for allowing my aunt to get involved. They thought it was their job to look after my Mum's body. Over the months that followed Nan and Granddad used to bring this problem up quite often as proof of how ungrateful and disrespectful I was towards them. There has never been any mention of Dad in their grumbles so I expect they would have left him with blood and oil on his face and hair like a tramp. They obviously didn’t care about him.
Tuesday, 16 July 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
Wednesday, 10 July 2013
Sunday, 7 July 2013
But, as I rather suspect, all I get is lots of silicon based, computer generated, "visitors" then my gut would have been right. I will give it a month, then report back
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Saturday, 6 July 2013
Friday, 5 July 2013
Thursday, 4 July 2013
My story is one made up from many different threads -
intertwined ones of different lengths and of different complexities. As my story unfolds some will come to an end
and then gradually, almost imperceptible, recede into the background. New
threads, some almost unimaginable to me in those first few weeks after the
accident, will rise up to replace them.
I had spent a nightmare restless night at Nan and Granddad's. Almost every negative emotion you can think of was churning through my brain and my immediate future seemed to consist of a long series of hurdles to be overcome. Top of the list of course was Mum and Dad's funeral but going back into school - knowing that I would be the centre of attention - ran it a close second.
Breakfast provoked the first row of the day so I retreated to my bedroom to pack my bag in peace. I had to think hard what day of the week it was and I had no idea what lessons I had timetabled that day. In the end I managed to get everything packed so I walked out my car ready for the short journey to school. By then the contrast between how things had been just a few days earlier and how they were living with Nan and Granddad was starting to overwhelm me. Escaping to school suddenly felt the better of two fairly dire alternatives!
In January 2010 my parents were
both killed in a car accident. We were all in the car at the time, Mum and
Dad were in the front and they died, but I was in the back and I
survived almost unhurt. I guess it just wasn't my time to go?
I was in year 12 when they died, about half way through my AS year, so it was agreed that rather than going to live with my aunt (my Mum's sister), which would have meant changing schools, I should go to live with my maternal Grand Parents who lived nearby.
To say that this didn't work out well would be a gross understatement. I stood it for as long as I could but in the end I moved back into my former family home and I lived there on my own from the start of year 13 onwards.
Somehow I managed to get the grades I needed to go to the local university. I've just (July 2013) finished my second year there. During my first year I rented out my family home but for my second year I moved back in with three friends who are all on the same course as me. One of them is a very special friend!
Some readers might have read parts of my story before. I did write a blog for the ten months after Mum and Dad had to leave me but I was in a very dark place and writing the blog was just a little bit more than I could cope with at the time. I'm much happier now than I was then and I'm sure that I can make a success of this project.
I'm just over 5ft 11 inches tall but less than 9 stone. So I'm tall and slim like my Mum was. If you stick with me you will find out why these two statistics are so important!
THIS IS MY STORY.